Go sperm go!

Farewell loving blog

2010-01-25T15:29:00.002-05:00

I am saying farewell to my loving therapeutic blog. The time is coming near for me to give birth to my little miracle baby and this blog is not the place for me to update info about the baby.

Thank you so much for reading and being interested in my blog. I hope that my story and situation can give hope to those dealing with MFIF like me and my husband did. Research everything you can on your own, get healthy, exercise, eat fresh veggies and fruit, take vitamins. Don't give up!!!

Oops! Hello!

2009-11-19T15:13:00.005-05:00

Hello blog! I have abandoned you for too long. Short story - everything's great! My baby shower is on saturday and I am sooooo excited for it! I probably won't be able to sleep friday night. My placenta was in danger of covering my cervix, but at my 27 week visit yesterday it is fine and i won't need a c-section, yay!!!

My bump is nice and big and i love it. I definitely look pregnant. I've gained about 22 pounds so far, more than i thought. But i'm not concerned. I've been working out and doing my weight class, eating healthy for one. So its not like i'm pigging out for 2 and not exercising . . . i'm doing all i can to be healthy, so I'm not concerned about the weight.

thats my baby!

I can't believe I'm already in my third trimester... time is flying by!!!! but thats good b/c it means i'll meet my baby even sooner! but i LOVE being pregnant and feeling happy and pretty everyday. i love having a bump. i hope i won't be addicted to wanting to be pregnant . . .

Week 21

2009-10-07T10:54:00.006-04:00

Baby boy is doing great! I'm pretty sure we have his whole name picked out! But we won't tell until he's born! But it's a family name - my great uncle, a thai name, Hubby's name, and then the last name. Yep, this little boy is having a total of 4 names! It's only because daddy is being a name hog.
He doesn't like the idea of the baby having 3 names, but i dont like the idea of the baby having his first and last name . . . so 3 names is the compromise!

I can't believe how big he's getting. He's kicking and punching a lot more! I'm excited to get Hubby started on the nursery! I want to put the clothes I've bought in the dresser and paint. I'm painting an image on top of a painting that i did in college. I can't wait to see what he looks like. I've got a while to find out!

It's a . . . .

2009-09-28T15:18:00.008-04:00

BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!! BOY!!!

Baby boy is healthy and happy! We got some amazing ultrasound pictures. He was moving around alot!!! Probably because I ate a swedish fish candy before the appointment . . . hey, i had to make sure that he'd show his goodies! I'm excited that we have a sweet name picked out already, and we didn't have a name we loved for a girl! I know i will love this boy with all my heart, but I am also waiting for my little girl!!!

I bought some cute clothes. I'm going for a whole "Benjamin Button" old man look. Cute little hats, sweater vests, little old man shoes. We're excited and happy!

19 Weeks!!!

2009-09-23T10:11:00.003-04:00

Wow, my baby is half a foot long!!! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday! Can't wait till friday!
I love this picture. Poor baby is all squished...I wonder if i've been feeling a knee and not a kick.

Thumper

2009-09-22T11:04:00.002-04:00

I've been feeling the baby kick and thump around . . . not completely convinced if it was the baby or not . . . but i know for sure now!!! And Hubby felt it last night for the first time ever! It was awesome!!! You can't predict when the baby will kick, it may kick once and then not kick for another hour or so. We were watching tv and the cat was sitting on me and i felt the baby move around (we ate taco's for dinner, I hear that baby's like mexican). So i stuck my hand under my shirt and sure enough felt movement. But was it me breathing? Was it my stomach digesting? I got Hubby to lean over and press on belly and sure enough he felt it thump too!!! We had to mute the TV and sit for a second or two to make sure it was the baby. Hubby thought it was me breathing . . . i guess when its this small your brain still isnt convinced that there's something in there. I thought this would be one of those tearful moments, but like the other things it was not emotional like i had thought (first ultrasound, first listen to the heartbeat). I think i'll cry on friday when i find out the gender!

2009-09-16T16:48:00.004-04:00

18 weeks! Only 1 week and 1.25 days till we find out the gender. Qaud screen test came back negative! We have a healthy baby, so far! That was great to hear.
The baby almost weighs 8oz. This cowboy honey bear weighs 8 oz! I was craving white bread with butter last night. I'm craving country fried steak again. P.aula De.ane needs to chill. I'm doing surprisingly well with not over eating or cheating or snacking. My appetite has not really increased yet. I eat 3 meals and 2 healthy snacks a day, I'm sure that's helping. And probably why I'm craving such fatty bad food. I hope I don't start getting really strong food cravings and won't be able to stop myself. I don't want to have to work hard to lose the baby weight.

I can't wait to help plan the baby shower. I'm on the fence about inviting my MIL and her sisters . . . i honestly just want it to be 20 or so girlfriends and my sisters. My mom can come, I don't care. I don't want to be stressed and have to make sure that my MIL and AIL's are enjoying themselves.

I also can't wait for New Moon to come to theaters!

17 Weeks

2009-09-14T09:47:00.003-04:00

17 weeks!!! Not much new to report. I made a dress to wear to a wedding and it was a hit! I got really picky about what i wanted to wear, so i thought, why dont i whip something up. and i did. and it was awesome! my hubby was so proud of me, people complimented me on it before knowing that i made it. i felt great!

we will have the gender ultrasound at 19 weeks 4 days, sept. 25th. I AM BEYOND EXCITED! i have a feeling its a girl . . . we'll see how i feel next week!

16 weeks = 4 months!

2009-09-04T12:23:00.005-04:00

4 Months!!!

Yay! A little mile marker! I feel great, i haven't hit that magical 2nd trimester of getting my energy back yet. I'm excited to be eating SUPER healthy again! Ton of veggies, but not craving salmon yet. No biggie. I had my first preggo charlie horse leg cramp last night and it SUCKED! I've gotten them tons before and know to slowly flex my foot, but when you wake up to pain in the middle of the night your body feels frozen and every move feels painful, its scary! mmm, I want an avocado so bad!!!

I've been craving fried southern food lately! I was craving country fried steak, and it had to wait 3 days to have it, and it was AMAZING. I want fried chicken, K.FC chicken bowls . . . mmm anything fried. But I'm not indulging one bit! I have one cheat day a week and normally it ends up being one meal - like something fried. It's hard to not eat sweets during the day, but luckily I'm glued to my desk at work and can't have the liberty to go to the store and buy something! I joke that i have a little Paula Deane in my stomach.

Speaking of a little Paula Deane vs. a little Paul Deane, I got up the nerve to call my dr. a week before i'm going to see her for the triple screen blood test, to see if she'd let me schedule my ultrasound appointment now, over the phone. I started thinking how i will be 17 weeks when i see her, and i didn't want the appointments to fill up in the next 3 weeks for the gender ultrasound. And hubby works mon-fri - 12 hour shifts the whole week of my 20th week. And heaven forbid if i have to wait until my 21st week to find out the gender! So i called and left the nurse a message, i didnt think she'd call me back, but she did! And i got the exact time and day appointment that i needed . . . . We will find out the gender of this little baby on Sept. 25th at 9am. I CAN'T WAIT!!! And hubby will be there with me! I'm going to make either blue or pink centered cupcakes for work!

And I finally came to and am back to being honestly happy with a little boy or girl!

15 Weeks

2009-09-04T12:21:00.002-04:00

Um, 15 week marker went by. Onto next week!

Week 14 Second Trimester Begins Now

2009-08-19T14:35:00.003-04:00

Helllllllllllo Second Trimester!!!

Wow, I'm in the 2nd trimester already! It's going so fast, I don't want it to end, but i want it to hurry up, but not too fast, sleepless nights and poopy diapers can wait. But then hurry up to baby being 3 years old, i love that age!

I've noticed that I'm hungrier now . . . i don't like this. I feel like I'm starving but i literally just ate lunch 2 hours ago. I'm able to eat salmon and veggies if they're hidden in food. Last night I ate carrots, cucumber, and garden tomatoes dipped in hummus and it was delightful! My food cravings may or may not be coming in . . . I get a craving for something for about 20 minutes, and then its gone . . . like i can taste it in my mouth . . . but not bad enough to run to the store and buy or make it. Good thing I'm stuck at work from 8:30-5pm. I was wanting fresh chocolate cake, pizza, and lemon drops, but not at the same time.

We had our 14 week Dr. appointment last night. I got to meet the Dr. that might deliver the baby, and we got to hear the heartbeat! It was great! It was 145 BPM. I don't believe the old wives tale about it being a boy or girl from the speed of the heart. My friend Erin sent me a doppler, so now that I know where to look for the baby I can try to listen to the heartbeat at home!

I love having a sister that does photography!!!! I'm going to be a spoiled pregnant lady!!!

Week 13

2009-08-12T08:59:00.006-04:00

One more week until the second trimester!!! The baby is about 3-3.5 inches long now. Its growing so fast!!! I swore i felt the baby move at 12 weeks 4 days, but my sister is convinced that it would be impossible, she also thinks she's the only person to give birth, so if it didnt happen to her, it won't happen to anyone. I'll have to compare the real kicks to what i think i'm feeling now. . .

I called my insurance to see how much delivery would cost me, they said nothing . . . but then asked if i joined the Future Moms Program and if i did then my $300 hospital in-patient co-pay would be waved, awesome, BUT, you didnt mention that there would be a co-pay, when i asked you how much it will cost, I expect you to tell me every little thing!!! I'll have to call again in a month and be more specific.
The stupid HR lady that represents the east coast office hasn't returned my call or email since last Thursday. I need to know all the details about taking the 12 weeks of unpaid leave. grrrr . . .
Ok, so other than those small things, life is great, i feel good, almost more tired now than before. I've had 2 instances of feeling like a panic attack or passing out was going to happen, I'll have to ask my doctor about that . . . kind of scary. Dr.'s appointment is next Tuesday, we'll get to hear the heartbeat!!!

12 weeks!!!

2009-08-10T10:29:00.003-04:00

Woot Woot! 12 weeks!!!

I'm actually kind of 12.5 weeks now. Time is flying!!! It's crazy to think that after my next dr.s visit the one after I may be finding out the gender of the baby! Granted, it's still 2 months away, I will have gone to the 2 weddings that were on my "What if I'm pregnant" mind when i was TTC. And they're finally here, and I'm actually pregnant for them. I can't wait to buy a snug dress to show off my bump. Last week was amazing, I really loved all the nice comments people left me on f.ace.boo.k. It made it feel more real. I'm going to post some pics on there, and feel bad, i have some infertile friends on there . . . but i can't go around feeling bad about hurting people's feelings my whole pregnancy, i'm not going to hide my kid from them or not talk about them . . . torn.

And hey, to all you mom's that say you didn't show until month 5 or 6 months, guess what, you are WRONG!!! Haha, j/k everyone's body is different. I really wanted to show early, maybe my body was warning my that I'd show early, I'm 5' 2.5" tall - I'm showing. In some clothes it looks like chubby fat, in tight shirts it looks more round and bump like. And its more prominent at the end of the day. I'm sure people that don't know me would think i was chunky . . . but its new and its there, and I've only gained 1 pound! Which I'm really surprised about - with not being able to work out as much, and eating a little bit of carb food, i thought the weight would add on fast. I think pregnant women have super fast metabolism's or maybe their bodies are working really hard to grow a baby, anyhow, working out is 5x's as hard for me, I'm hungry a lot, and all i want are carbs. Mac'n'cheese, pancakes, fried chicken. But i'm not craving sweets and i'm glad about that.

Celebratory Cupcakes!

2009-08-05T10:26:00.003-04:00

Were a HIT!

It's true, everyone loves cupcakes! I made a little sign that said "Please enjoy the chocolate covered cherry cupcakes and get fat with me over the next 6 months, surprise, I'm pregnant!" It's been a really great day.

Whew!!!

2009-08-04T15:37:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I thought I was going to be telling my boss and the "HR" lady on Wednesday (tomorrow) that I'm pregnant. But my coworker informed me that she overheard that my boss was leaving to go on vacation for a week and a half RIGHT NOW! He wasn't supposed to leave until Friday. So I grabbed the HR lady, Patty, and said, I need to talk with you and Jeff.

We went into Jeff's office and closed the door and said I needed to talk to them about something. Jeff's first reaction was, "you're not quitting are you?" He was serious. Hahaha! I said, no, I'm pregnant and will be 12 weeks tomorrow! I firmly told them that I will be coming back after maternity leave and that I’m not quitting and that I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills without this job. Jeff asked if it’s a girl or boy and if I’ll name it Patty or Jeff, what a kidder!

Patty asked more sensible questions like morning sickness stuff. I mentioned that I was being as professional as I could since I wasn’t acting like a crazy biotch at work and am almost done with the first trimester, and that I will continue to try to not act crazy. I don’t think they realized that 12 weeks meant that I’d been pregnant for 3 months and that bad symptoms are usually gone by this point . . . or they thought morning sickness lasted longer . . . I told Jeff that I’d been putting my feet on the chair b/c my back hurts and he said he didn’t care.

Jeff thought I’d only take 8 weeks of leave but I reminded him that in the handbook it says I can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Patty confirmed. And then Jeff mentioned the idea of me bringing the Mac to my house and working from home, for a few weeks! I tried to get him to be more specific – like being on leave for 8 weeks and then 4 weeks of working from home, but he said he’d have to work it out with upper bosses on Thursday.

I’m so excited!!! I was so nervous! What a relief! I'm going to make cupcakes for everyone else tomorrow with a note saying something like . . . "Please get fat with me over the next 6 months, I'm pregnant." I don't want it to hurt anyone's feelings . . . but cupcakes make everything better!

Baby Brain

2009-07-30T14:27:00.002-04:00

Baby Brain Story of the Day:

Microwaved lunch at work, can't find plastic fork i got out 2 seconds earlier. Microwave dings. Get plate out of microwave, found the fork, I microwaved it with my food.

2009-07-30T14:03:00.002-04:00

I'm starting a new thread of post's tagged as "Pregnancy Side Effects." It will be the good, the bad, the ugly and the scary things that I am experiencing.

+ I think my hair is growing faster!
- Food aversions
- INSANE mood swings and paranoia and impatience and sarcasm (my 11th week), I fear that I could get fired from work if I one day slip and tell my coworkers what i really think -
INSANE sleepiness at 2pm, good thing my OB said i can have 2 cups of coffee - I'm am only drinking 1 cup of decaf when i need it
- Hard to breathe when working out
+ Awesome random food cravings . . . nothing crazy, just completely random and strong and the food taste so much more enhanced and magical when you eat it!
- The diahreeha or constipation, oneday I'm good, the next I' backed up.
- The baby brain!!! It hit me, I am now acting like a dumb blonde, forgetting what I'm doing or forgetting that I just asked something and then ask again.

Week 11

2009-07-29T13:41:00.004-04:00

Yay! I'm at 11 weeks. Time is moving fast but slow. I guess since I've been looking forward to week 12 so much time has been going by faster . . . my next date to look forward to will be week 20 to find out the gender of the baby, and that will take FOREVER to get there!!! oh well. Apparently the baby can move its arms and like to touch its face, its starting to have feelings in the skin! I wonder what a kick will feel like . . .

I still read my friends blogs that I've meet through the infertility ring, and check up on the ladies at WebMD, and my heart goes out to all of them. When i went to WebMD everyday to chat with my 6+months and over group, I used to wonder if the girls who got pregnant lurked us and smiled and gloated at our misfortune . . . I don't, it still makes me sad, and I still feel guilty everytime I write a post about what week I'm on. I just wish infertility wasn't a problem. Or babies should be granted to loving couples or single women who need children.

And on a completely different hypocritical side to this is that I will be posting an announcement on my f.ace.bo.ok page next wednesday. Probably my 8 week ultrsound and a wall post of "1+1=3" . . . I know, i'm lame, and yes, i've been thinking about what i will post on FB since the weekend I got pregnant. Just as did when i got engaged and married. I will write my one infertile coworker a card on tuesday for her to take home to read letting her know that I am pregnant and wanted to give her time in private to hear the news, and that work will know the following day. I will google search nice things to say because I'm horrible at writing cards . . . I can't wait to be able to share the news with everyone. And to tell my other stupid coworker how dumb her little sister is for announcing that she was pregnant the day she missed her period, because it's been a lot of fun hearing dumb coworker talk about her dumb sister and how "hormonal" she is (she's in week 6). Gimme a break. And it's a little annoying at how dumb coworker talks about her pregnant sister ALL THE TIME, when she knows that I've been trying for a long time and the infertile coworker is dealing with adoption. Dumb people!!!

10 weeks!

2009-07-22T13:58:00.003-04:00

10 weeks today!!! woooohooo!!! My little baby looks like a mini baby. It's over an inch long, and is growing FINGERNAILS! and toenails!!! Keep it up little baby, hang in there and keep growing strong.

I can't tell if my stomach looking bigger is from bloating or weight gain or if its . . . the beginning of a bump!!! I do realize that women who've had babies before like to say they didnt see a bump until 5 months or 6 months . . . but they were not paying attention to their bodies. I feel like I'm getting fat, I see new cellulite on my thighs . . . the baby is doing it . . . i do not care about healthy weight gain. I hope its a girl. I want my bump. I want to make sure everything is going well. I won't have a dr's appointment until Aug. 18, 2 weeks after I announce my pregnancy, that doesnt sound like a smart thing to do . . . but i can't wait till week 14 to announce it - i'll be in my second trimester!!!

First Dr.'s appointment First Ultrasound

2009-07-14T12:00:00.004-04:00

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEW! What a relief!!! Baby is growing just fine, has a strong heartbeat of 160, and measures at 9 weeks today! One day ahead of schedule. It's pretty blurry, but ultrasounds are pretty non-detailed anyhow. The little round things are arms!!! The thing that looks like an umbilical cord is actual the yolk sac - the baby lives on this until the placenta starts growing.

The ultrasound process was not painful, i had heard that a large instrument was inserted into you for the first ultrasound, it was nothing! And no, I'm not large down there. We could see the heart beating on the computer, but it's too small to hear at 9 weeks. She showed us where the blood was circulating too. I guess the baby is right above my pubic bone, no where near my muffin top (fatty waist area). I think I'm starting to gain the ugly 1st Trimester chub. Or maybe its because I'm not running as much - i get out of breath faster and it just seems a lot harder. This is a fact verified by the doctor, i am not insane for thinking running is harder. I'm having a really easy pregnancy so far, I'm very lucky. Just queasiness and food aversions. But I've been feeling great the past couple of days. I have to eat a snack every 3 hours or I'll feel queasy. I wasn't into ground beef for a little bit, but i'm back to my carnivorous self now. The thought of steamed spinach or kale makes me want to gag - i used to eat those at least once a week. The idea of baked salmon also makes me want to gag.

We'll be able to announce it to our friends around Aug.5th. My next appointment is Aug. 18, we'll get to hear the heartbeat! And the last week of September i will be 20 weeks and we'll hopefully find out the gender of the baby!

Bad Blogger Award

2009-07-14T11:43:00.008-04:00

8 Weeks

I've been a bad blogger. I apologize. I've been anxiously awaiting my first Dr.'s appointment and trying to not stress about having the first ultrasound. I am 8 weeks and 6 days today! The baby is a little larger than a cherry!

Let me back up, for the 4th of July me and hubby had our first ever vacation!!! We went to Chincoteague Island, off of the Eastern Shore in VA. It was the most magical vacation ever. We kayaked to see the wild ponies on Assateague:
We rode bikes to Assategue to bike around the Island on all the different wildlife trails:

Anyhow, we went to the Fireman's Carnival every night, played 25 cent BINGO, i watched Hubby eat a fried oyster sandwich, a fried clam sandwich, and a deep fried soft shell crab sandwich. I was having a queasy day. I was handling the active stuff pretty well, i would take naps at the motel around 3pm everyday for an hour or so, but it wasn't like a crazy exhaustion, it could've easily been confused with being in the sun and getting a good workout! But the most amazing part of the trip was the fireworks! We waited in line for the ferris wheel for 1 hour and thought we'd get turned away when the fireworks started, but no, we rode the ferris wheel and watched the whole fireworks show!

MAGICAL!!!

I kept joking Hubby if he was going to propose to me. It was an amazing little vacation. It definitely made time go by faster, made me appreciate and love Hubby so much more, made me enjoy doing things at my own free will, and i can't wait to share new vavcation memories with our children one day.

6 Weeks!

2009-06-24T08:57:00.003-04:00

I'm 6 weeks today! My baby is the size of a lentil bean!!! I'm starting to feel more nausea and queeziness. Lucky Hubby has had this week off work and has been making my breakfast and packing my lunch. When he goes back to work on Monday i hope i don't start throwing up in the morning.
One of my friends had her going away dinner last night - we went to a sushi place and i devoured my fried shrimp roll and eel roll. They accidentally put an extra avocado roll on my plate and i was very thankful for that since i was really hungry (dinner was at 8pm). MMMmmm... I'm glad to be able to eat some sort of sushi. Today me and Hubby are having a cheat day and I've been craving a double cheeseburger from Wendy's. I wouldnt say my cravings are big just like normal ones but maybe a touch more vivid. i don't know!

I'm excited to be going to Chincoteague next weekend for the 4th of July! I hope its not too hot or buggy. Planning is very helpful, it makes the days go by faster. I love how my pregnancy weeks start on Wednesdays, that makes the weeks go by so much quicker - i have wed. and frid. to look forward to, the weekends go by fast, and then mond. and tues. drag on.

queesy nauesea yuck

2009-06-22T09:37:00.003-04:00

Positive outlook - I'm glad that pregnancy symptoms are showing . . . I feel sick. last friday/saturday i felt queesy, not great, not good, not horrible. Similar to not knowing if you were really really hungry nausea or nervous giddy stomach feelings. This morning i got my first wave of nausea looking in the fridge figuring out what i'd eat for lunch. I got the watery saliva, the achey shoulders, and the "do i run to the bathroom?" so i shut the fridge door and walked to the bathroom to do my hair for work. I felt like i had a hangover. I still feel funny and lethargic. And i'm being paranoid about smells. I don't feel like working at all.

I got to announce my pregnancy to my family on Sunday. It was sooooooo good! I have 3 older sisters and 1 younger brother (i'm the youngest girl). My brother is in Iraq for his second time, boooo. One of my sisters was in Georgia, one sis lives here and the other one came down from Northern VA for fathers day. So, we all go over to my oldest sisters house for father's day fun, and i brought my card that i made for my dad. We're hanging out and i encourage my nieces and nephew to get on the ball and finish up their cards for their dad and my dad. Well, low and behold my brother calls from Iraq to wish my dad a happy father's day. So i scramble to get the cards together and say "hey dad! why don't you read the cards out loud to Jacob on the phone!" and then i made my mom come stand by the phone and everyone else gather around. My dad picks up my card:and for some reason my inside photo didnt save . . . anyhow, it was a card "from the baby" telling my parents how much me and Hubby needed them to be healthy and heard how good of grandparents they are, and how excited it was to meet them in 8 months it was signed grandbaby #4. It wasnt until the last line that they realized i was pregnant! It was great! Everyone was excited and happy and i even cried a little. My mom was pretty happy and said "my baby girls going to have a baby!" and when i went home she called me mama. It was so cute and nice. I'm so glad i got to tell them! I apologized to my sister for having to lie to her about how my first fertility appointment went! We called my sister in Georgia and re-enacted the card reading and she cried on the phone too! it was perfect!

hurry up!

2009-06-17T08:52:00.003-04:00

Just like with TTC you are waiting each day to either ovulate or your temp to rise or get AF. Well, when you get KU you are waiting and maybe waiting harder every day to get to the next important week. I wish I could have found out at week 6 and not 4.5 . . . week 6 would bring me so much closer to week 8... safer zones.

My little sesame seed baby is growing into the shape of a tadpole right now! Tadpoles look an awful lot like sperm . . . weird. Full circle. So if i have any symptoms they'd be:

very thirsty
diareeha
slight cramps

Other than that, nothing! I wonder if my gas is a pregnancy symptom, and my slight nausea . . . but I hesitate to say I feel symptoms and it not be real pregnancy symptoms.

Hubby changed the cat litter last night!!!! I'm sooooo excited about him doing that for the next 9 months. And I'm proud of him for doing it and not making one complaining peep about it to me. I offered to do with gloves on it until our first visit but he said he'd rather be safe than sorry! (I brought the cats into the relationship, he loves them but does not like them at times).

I keep hearing about women on WebMD having miscarriages at 8 and 9 weeks. It scares me. When we first started TTC I had a feeling we'd either get KU right away, or it would take a long time. And I have a feeling that my little sesame tadpole is going to make it to 9 months. I hate having to wonder if it will go smooth and hate holding back from getting too excited about being KU. I don't want to feel like a big dummy if my seseame seed doesn't make it. And it makes me wonder if I'm really going to have to wait to week 12 to tell friends... When i tell my friends I'll also have to tell coworkers since they're all on F.ace.book. We still havent decided when we're going to tell family.

I'm excited to tell my dad and sisters and brother, my mom has already said that my sisters 3 kids are enough grandchildren for her. Um, hello, mom? You had 5 kids . . . there's going to be more grandkids. She got mad at my sister when she had her 3rd one. Ugh!!! Debbie downer!!! They didnt know that me and Hubby have been trying for the past 11 months. And my parents aren't the traditional parents that help with buying baby stuff and they don't get involved with planning weddings or showers. Hubby's parents will be sooooo excited, I can't wait to see their reaction. They were asking us before we were married at the 3 year mark to have kids. I hope they help us by some of the bigger baby stuff . . . not planning on it though. They better not think that they'll be having the kid stay overnight with them . . . the live 30-40 mins. away and have 6 cats and a dog and their house isnt the cleanest . . .I've already told Hubby that the only people in the hospital room will be me and him . . .

so far . . .

2009-06-15T09:06:00.003-04:00

so good . . . it's been 4 days since we found out I was pregnant. I still haven't seen Hubby yet because he's been on a fishing trip. But I'll see him today when I get home from work. I set up a cheezy little display on the kitchen counter for him to be greeted with when he comes in. I had bought a cute crocheted baby blanket months ago and set my Pregnancy Week by Week book on it with, along with 2 vintage Mom and Dad mugs that had been hidden in my closet for the past 9 months, waiting for this day, a baby outfit i bought that says "mommy and daddy loves me" - grammer error, no, because i embroidered the words "and daddy" on it, and a pregnancy stick that says "pregnant." I'll get a pic later . . .

I don't have any symptoms that I can confirm . . . It's probably too soon to really have symptoms. My brain wants to tell me that I'm hungry all the time (but it's just me wanting to pig out), i may be feeling a little nauseous, but not enough to really know . . . and i've had a canker sore in my mouth for the past 8 days or so . . . I've been really thirsty and kind of have a weird taste in my mouth. So far so good . . . except for the sadness or guilt even for the ladies i know who have been trying to get pregnant for longer than me. I feel sad that i got my lucky day and they haven't. But i also feel really happy, like a huge weight has been lifted off me, i can be me again ... I just wish TTC was not the way it was. It sucks, and I'm really sorry.

And go sperm went . . .

2009-06-12T08:47:00.004-04:00

I'M PREGNANT!!!!

Wow. wow. wow. Is this real??? Is it? To answer David from "David Goes to Dentist," (youtube) yes David, this is real life. Wow. wow! wow!!!! wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm writing these words. I'm. Pregnant. We're. Pregnant. With the man that I love, I'm going to have his baby. This is unreal. So unreal.
I decided to take a test this morning only to quiet my thoughts all day that would be wondering if i was pregnant or not. Hubby had already left for his fishing trip. So i peed and tested it . . . and . and . . . . and. 2 lines. 2 lines. 2 lines showed up. holy freaking cow. I called Hubby (without thinking that he was in a car with his good friend) and tried to start telling him "i took a test" but i started crying. and he couldn't hear me and of course thought something was wrong. so he jumped out of the car (i think they were at a gas station, i hope). And i started to tell him again, "i took a pregnancy test and I'm pregnant!!!" and started bawling. It was the best cry in the WORLD. I think he was in shock and surprised and happy. We didn't talk long but have been texting back and forth. He's so cute.

I really didn't think i was pregnant. My boobs hurt earlier in the week - i had to wear 2 sports bra's when i ran the Stratford Hills 10k. But they felt almost back to normal by Tuesday. Last night i noticed that my nipples felt cold or i guess tingly. I was under a blanket and thought it odd that they were acting "cold." I also noticed that when i bent over they hurt just a little bit, but not enough to be considered sore. My back has been achy the past 2 days, but I've also been helping in the warehouse, bending over and lifting boxes. I feel nauseous this morning, I'm sure its just in my head, we didn't sleep well last night, the power went out and then our neighbors dog started barking for an hour! at 3 am!!! And sometimes i feel nauseous when i don't get enough sleep. And i noticed that I had creamy CM after i exercised . . . but i think that was normal for me too.

I'm worried that we won't be in the clear for another 2 months or so . . . Hubby's sperm was still at 0% normal morph. This may not be the final thing . . . it may not last. But what a wonderful feeling. I'm going to hold onto it until i have to let it go.

6.5.09 S/A Results

2009-06-11T16:10:00.003-04:00

So I called my OBGYN and they were able to give me some of the results. Hello? why didn't they call me? I love her a lot, but it seemed like she was hesitant to give me the information . . . I asked her if she would email or fax or if i could pick up a copy of the results, and she said we should just send the to my RE . . . NO LADY!!! GIVE ME MY RESULTS. But i kept asking her for the numbers:
volume ?
color ?
liquefaction time ?
viscosity ?
concentration 55 (was 40 million) motile, 81 (was 75) million total motility 68% (was 53%)
Forward progression:
50% (was 60%) moderate,
? (was 20%) sluggish,
? (was 20%) non-progressive,
20% (was 0% rapid)
quality of progression ? (was 3+)
round cells ? (was <1 style="font-weight: bold;">morphology 0% (was 0%)

So I'm kind of excited - the concentration and motility went up as did the rapid progression! I don't know if these are minor things that would change on any test day to day. I remember reading that Rapid Progression was the ability for the sperm to swim in a straight line . . . so if Hubby's tails were damaged now 20% aren't!!! Morphology was something I prepared myself to not stress about . . . . it had only been 32 days since he quit doing dip and drinking as much and started taking vitamins when this test was taken.

Still no sign of AF. . .

Stratford Hills 10K

2009-06-11T10:00:00.002-04:00

I forgot to post about the race Hubby and I ran on Sunday (6/7/09). It was fun! It took me maybe 2 miles to get out of the "i don't feel like running" mode. It was 3.1 miles one way, and then the same 3.1 miles back, I actually really liked that because it was easier to pace myself and push myself after knowing the course. There was a huge hill near the finish line followed by some smaller hills, and I was able to run the whole time and not walk!!! I was very proud of myself. I got my best time for a 10k so far - 61 minutes! My goal is to finish one under 60 minutes . . . it'll happen next time. Hubby ran it in 57 minutes.

dumps

2009-06-11T09:47:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling down today

Reasons:

Waiting to get Hubby's S/A test results today (we got the last results about 7 days later)
Waiting for AF to show, feeling kind of crampy and sad. My sore boobs stopped hurting yesterday . . . she's on her way. I hate feeling like every second i need to go the bathroom to make sure I'm not bleeding all over my work pants.
I told HR about my doctors appoint. next wednesday and i have to take a 1/2 day of PTO for it! Sucks!!!
Read on some forums that IUI with injectables can cost $2000-$3000. Ugh! I thought IUI's were like $300, I guess thats with insurance.
Hubby is going on a much needed fishing trip this weekend for 4 days and 3 nights, This will be the first time in maybe 3 years that I've been home alone!

Reaons I shouldnt be feeling bummed:

Me and Hubby are healthy and happy (minus the TTC aspect)
I still have a job!
I have a yummy lunch today
the S/A results could be better, then I know the RE will tell us we can do it naturally . .

I'll keep you guys posted . . .

Blah and Waiting

2009-06-04T11:54:00.004-04:00

If you g.oogle "Blah" the first image you see will be this:

If you g.oogle "waiting" the first image you see will be this:

I have a few things in common with these photos:

I feel those things now
I hope I don't look as doughy as the subjects
Why do blah and weird both have to be doughy?

Hubby has his second S/A test tomorrow. It'll show 32 days free of chewing tobacco, spandex and mod-high volumes of alcohol. I am not expecting to see a big change in his morphology but I'm secretly hoping for it to be a little better! He's been pumped full of vitamins and has been toxinish free and had a does of Reiki powers. I called my OBGYN and she said we could get the S/A results sent to her and she'd tell us over the results over the phone . . . for FREE! Yeah, so f-you Hubby's stupid dumb DR. I beat the system! FREE! If the results show no improvements then I think I will try to get Hubby to get some acupuncture done before my next O.

I have about 7 days until my AF comes . . . I don't even want to say out loud if I think I could be KU or not. I'm betting on not. My boobs are starting to get sore, normally they get sore 2 days earlier than now . . . and that would be my only symptom, and its definitely and AF symptom in my case.

I have my RE visit on the 17th, my my my how time goes by fast. It seemed so far away when I made the appointment 2 months ago. And oh how I thought I'd have to cancel b/c I'd get pregnant on my own.

8 x 8 = All about me

2009-06-03T14:53:00.002-04:00

The rules of 8: 

1. Mention person who tagged me: Clare

2. Complete list of 8s

3. Tag 8 people

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO

*eventually getting pregnant

*hubby's second S/A on friday

*being able to FD after friday!

*going home and showering in non-salty water

*getting out of my work clothes

*july 4th vacation

*seeing Hubby later today

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY

*woke up at my own time

*casually ate breakfast while looking at the ocean

*laid on the beach for 3 hours

*came in when i felt like it to eat lunch

*floated in a pool for 4 hours

*drove back home with a friend

*heard that 3 co-workers got laid-off

*saw hubby!

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO

*Get pregnant

*not have to work

*eat anything and never get fat

*be happy for ever

*be on a permanent vacation

*have my hair be long with a snap

*make all my friends live in one town

*make my family live in one town

 8 SHOWS I WATCH

*Lost

*Real World/Road Rules Challenge

*The Hills

*Ultimate Fighter

*Project Runway

*Jon and Kate + 8

*The Soup

*Intervention

8 FAVORITE FRUITS

*pineapples

*raspberries

*blueberries

*mango

*strawberries

*apples

*cheries

8 PLACES I'D LIKE TO TRAVEL

*Thailand again

*Japan

*The Carribean

*Ireland

*Austrailia

*Hawaii

*Belgium

*Italy

8 PLACES I'VE LIVED

*Richmond VA

*Provo Utah

8 FOLKS IM TAGGING

Hilary

Amanda

Speechgirl

Murgden

Jendeis

Clare (can i tag you back? haha)

Beach!

2009-06-03T12:58:00.003-04:00

I just got back to work from my 4 day vacation at Avon beach in North Carolina. I go every year for 1/2 a week with some friends. The weather was perfect, I got nice and tan and I even went running in the mornings!

Then on the way home from work i got a text from Brook (co-worker) that said "i got laid off." I feel bad for her and then i don't. I know this is really selfish, but she was driving me up the wall and was being so annoying!!! I guess my company is having money issues, and after the meeting we had this morning the rest of us are "safe." I'm sure my job is safe, I'm the only one that does what I do here, but its scary really being affected by the economy . . .
I'm relieved that i don't have to hear Brook talk about trying to get pregnant anymore, or hear her negative comments about everyone constantly.

Reiki Healing Massage

2009-05-27T09:18:00.007-04:00

Hubby had his Reiki Healing "Massage" yesterday! I wish i could have gone to really see what it was all about. He had a hard time getting there and was pretty stressed out (as usual, per new driving directions). I was scared that he'd call me afterwards irate at wasting an hour of his life with a hippy chic, but he actually enjoyed it! He said he probably wouldn't go again but would love to try acupuncture. He said he felt very relaxed afterwards. The lady went over something about Chakras with him - showed him the pressure points for sleeping well and reproduction.

The thyroid gland looks about where the sleep point would be and the sacral or root point is for reproduction. Hubby left all the papers in the car that had the chart and notes on it. She told him to definitely get at the least 6-7 hours of sleep a night and to eat apples to help with reproduction. Apples seem like a little too much of biblical connection for fertility, but hey, that didn't stop me from buying Hubby a bag of Gala apples at the grocery store last night.

TMI - before we did our "baby dance" last night we were talking about the Reiki session, and I managed to convince him to think/visualize healthy sperm being created in his body and being released into mine. I told him i would visualize a pretty little golden egg waiting patiently and a nice healthy sperm meeting it! Haha! I've heard that visualization is involved with acupuncture so i gave my G.oogle MD studies a whirl and we'll see what happens!

All we need is one good sperm! Just one little perfect sperm to shoot out of Hubby and make its way safely to my egg. I know its probably too early in Hubby's detox plan to be expecting to get pregnant but TTC'ers never give up hope.

Green with not envy

2009-05-26T15:06:00.002-04:00

I've been reading about other ladies dealing with jealousy in the work place with finding out that their co-workers are pregnant. I've been prepping myself to deal with it myself - there are 2 other girls in my office who are actively trying to get pregnant. One I will call Steph, the other Brook.

Steph is 25 and used to be on D.epo Prov.era, takes about 5 smoke breaks a day, smokes weed everyday, drinks lots of caffeine and soda. Even though i don't agree at all with her unhealthy lifestyle, i feel bad that it has been taking her almost 1.5 years to get pregnant. She told me that her husband smokes weed everyday but his sperm count is normal (argh!). She also told me that she's had 2 miscarriages in the past couple months. We also have in common our dislike for Brook.

Brook is my closest co-worker in my small office. She can be so sweet and nice but also so insecure and annoying and show-offy. She loves flaunting her husbands money and if you wear something new she has to know where you bought it from. I hate feeling ashamed that I shop at vintage stores and thrift stores and feel like i have to come up with a random lie about where i got something if i got it used. Anyhow, Brook is 30 and has plans to get pregnant as soon as she got married (2 months ago). She tries to make it lunch room conversation about how she's off birth control pills now and can't participate in happy hour because she "might be pregnant." Ughh, shoot me! I've been trying for 11 months now and have no patients or desire to hear about the newbie trying to conceive. And the sad thing is she'll probably get pregnant right away. Or maybe not . . . she diets like crazy and was taking diet pills for a couple months before her wedding, not like she needed to, she's a size 2 or 4. People at work know that i've been trying for a baby for atleast 6 months, but no-one knows about my Hubby's sperm issues.

One of the warehouse employees (Ben) just announced that he's going to be a granddad, he's in his 50's or so. His daughter wanted to get pregnant as soon as they got married (2 months ago). Well guess what? Whoop-de-doo. Congrat-a-freaking-lations, congrats on getting knocked up. I hope she doesnt get gestational diabetes, seeing as that everyone including her in her family is very overweight. It was pretty hard huh, seeing as her husband has 3 kids in every pit stop he took when came to the US from the Dominican Republic. Wow, i wish he could be my husband NOT. He works 6 days a week 12 hour days at minimum wage at 2 different jobs to pay his kids child support, she works for w.almart. I have nothing against people working minimum wage jobs to make ends meet, but do why do they get to be so lucky when procreating? Have fun getting a divorce in a couple years.

Ben won't stop fucking talking about it either. He's one of those people that talks forever and even as you're inching your way out of the room he still keeps talking. He said his daughter got to listen to the heartbeat today, i dont know nor do i care how far along they are, but i feel like its still too early to announce her pregnancy. He was talking about it as he walked down the hallway to no-one. I'm happy for him that he's excited and its sweet seeing him be happy, but not everyone wants to be forced to hear about it. Not me, not Steph, and not Beth the 42 year old who was told a year ago that she could never have her own child (she got married 2 years ago).

I can be as a annoyed as i want and deep down i know it'll happen for me and Hubby eventually and we'll be the best parents knowing that we waited until we were more established (a house, 2 cars, money to save) and knowing that we want it so bad and have had planty of time to think about it. I'm sure I'll just have to go through more fake smiles and queitly walking away from baby conversations in the meantime.

Unorganized Vitmain List for Sperm Improvement

2009-05-21T09:33:00.007-04:00

I realized that I haven't compiled my list of vitamins that I've been told can help morphology. Most of these vitamins can be found in a good Multi-vitamin. I've highlighted the ones I've added to Hubby's sperm improving concoction!

Pr.ayforam.ircale at W.ebMD shared this list with me:

Arginine - 4gr daily - Needed to produce sperm. If sperm is below 10 million per ML, probably will not benefit from taking this
Coenzyme Q10 - 10mg daily - Increases sperm count and motility
L-Carnitine -3gr daily - Required for normal sperm function
Selenium - 200mcg daily - Improves sperm motility
Vitamin B12 - B12 deficiency reduces sperm motility and count. Even with no deficiency, B12 may help men with a sperm count less than 20 million per ML or a motility rate of less than 50%
Vitamin E - 400IUs 2x/day-Improves sperms ability to impregnate
Zinc - 30mg 2x/day - Required for a healthy male reproductive system and sperm production
Copper - 1mg daily-Improve sperm quality
SAMe - 800mg daily - May also increase sperm activity in infertile men
Royal jelly - 200mg daily-It has been found to increase sperm count
Vitamin A (Beta carotene) - 100,000IU daily-A defincieny is shown to reduce sperm volume, count and increase abnormal sperm
Bee Pollen - 500mg 2x daily-Improves sperm production
Pycnogenol - Improves quality and function of sperm and improves morphology

Con.ceptionXR - fertilitysciences.com (this person comments a lot on the Male Factor boards on W.ebMD, I think he's one of the Doctors for Con.ceptionXR) Below is the list of vitamins that they say are in their pills that they sell.

Vitamins C and E—are essential antioxidants that protect the body's cells from damage from oxidative stress and free radicals. Vitamin C is one of the most abundant antioxidants in the semen of fertile men, and it contributes to the maintenance of healthy sperm by protecting the sperm's DNA from free radical damage. Vitamin E is a fat-soluble vitamin that helps protect the sperm's cell membrane from damage. Studies have shown that vitamin E improves sperm motility (movement). Vitamin C functions to regenerate vitamin E, thus these vitamins may work together to improve sperm function. Men with low fertilization rates who took vitamin E supplements for 3 months showed a significant improvement in fertilization rate. Vitamin E supplementation in infertile men resulted in increased pregnancy rates.
Selenium—is a mineral that functions as an antioxidant. Selenium supplements have been shown to increase sperm motility, and a combination of selenium and vitamin E has been shown to decrease damage from free radicals and improve sperm motility in infertile men.
Lycopene—is a potent antioxidant and carotenoid (plant pigment) that is abundant in tomatoes. This phytonutrient is found in high levels in the male testes, and research has shown that lycopene supplementation improved sperm parameters in infertile men.
Zinc—is an essential trace mineral that plays a role in sperm formation, testosterone metabolism, and cell motility. Zinc supplementation has been show to increase testosterone levels, sperm count, and sperm motility
Folic Acid—is a B vitamin that is necessary for DNA synthesis. Low levels of folic acid have been associated with a decreased sperm count and decreased sperm motility. In a recent study, the combination of zinc and folic acid resulted in a 74% increase in total normal sperm count in subfertile men
L-carnitine—is an amino acid produced by the body, and functions to transport fat so that it can be broken down for energy. L-carnitine provides energy for the sperm, and is important for optimal sperm motility. L-carnitine has also been shown to increase sperm quality and increase pregnancy rate

Hubby is also drinking a glass of pomegranate and blueberry juice daily and eating lots of dark berries (antioxidants). I've heard that Maca is good for sperm also.

Riverrock 10k Scrmable

2009-05-20T10:38:00.000-04:00

Saturday May 16th I ran the Dominion Riverrock 10K Scramble. It was sooooo mcuh fun. Trail races are the best because they're so nice on your shins and legs. My goal was to beat my time from last year of 1 hour 20 minutes . . . I beat it! This year i did it in 1 hour 9 minutes! I know next year i can beat that too. It feels so good to have runners in front of you move out of your way when they hear you coming. It almost drives you to run faster so they know they moved for a good reason! haha!

Hubby ran the Carytown 10K the next day and did it in 56 insanely fast minutes! The fastest I've done a normal street 10K was 65 minutes or so. He can really push himself when it comes to exercise.

Male Factor Blogs and Vitamin Treatment?

2009-05-15T16:20:00.000-04:00

Why can't i find any blogs about MFIF and changing diet/exercise/adding vitamins before doing IVF or IUI's??? I'm preparing my RE visit to end in tears with the dr. telling us IVF with ICSi is our only answer. Am I hoping too much that we can do this naturally??? Are most IVF dr.'s greedy and want to make lab babies instead of telling couples to add vitamins/change diets for a couple months and then try on their own for a while?

Keith at Conscious Conceptions is keeping my head clear and non-depressed with his adamant ideas that vitamins and acupuncture WILL help morphology. When i google "vitamin treatment for sperm" i find plenty of forums of ladies talking about a new diet plan for their hubby's and their sperm got better in 3 months. Why won't anyone write a blog about it so i can stalk them to see if they ended up getting pregnant on their own.

its the Ups and Downs i tell ya!!! note to self, stop researching. again.

Ups and Downs All Arounds

2009-05-14T09:13:00.001-04:00

(This is not a photo of MY husband)

So I've been researching and driving hubby up the wall. BUT we finally had a breakthrough ie. I broke him. He's going to cut wayyyyy back on alcohol until his sperm get better. He has a big fishing trip after his second S/A and will probably drink a bunch with the boys, and I'm fine with that. I don't think that drinking really causes bad morphology. TONS of people drink and are still able to get preggers. I wonder if he realizes this could be for 3 months, i mean, i told him, but was he really listening?

He's going to cut back to no drinking during the work week, and 1-2 glasses on his off nights. I'm so proud of him! I had to ask him if he thought he had a drinking problem and forced ourselves to talk about the idea of talking about where our goals are in life . . . he was complaining and whining sooooooo much about it not being fair that he had to stop drinking. I tried the nice approach and told him yeah, its not fair and that I'm so proud of him for being open to cutting back. I tried the angry approach, I've quit caffeine and drinking for the past 10 months and will HAVE to stop all those when we do get preggers for 9 months and then some while i'm breastfeeding . . . all he could think about was how he didnt want to cut back and how it isnt fair. Poor guy, they deal with infertility situations so much more angrily than women.

We've also decided that if we had to we would do IVF and make adjustments for the costs. I really hope we can have a baby naturally. His sperm WILL get better. Maybe not by the next S/A test, but maybe in August he will have healthy sperm. Ugh, so far away . . .

On a lucky note - I was supposed to run a 5K last weekend but couldn't since i had to be a slave to my mom for mother's day, I won a door prize for the race. I told my friend that she could have it if she picked it up and she forgot to, but they mailed it to me! guess what it is???? a free 1 hour Reike massage:
"Reike healing is the usage of spiritual energy to heal a person's aura or situation. The word "Reiki" actually translates to "Universal Life Force Energy." Massage is the process of rubbing or kneading different parts of the body for therapeutic reasons or purposes"
One of them being reproductive issues!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!!! hubby is going to love this!

Bad Bad Bad . . . But Not Horrible

2009-05-08T16:03:00.006-04:00

The Dr. was NO help at helping us understand what his S/A results mean. And we had to pay the co-pay to to get the results!!! 5/1/09

All of these were good:
volume 2.1 ml
normal color
liquefaction time 46 min
viscosity good
concentration 40 million motile, 75 million total
motility 53%
Forward progression - 60% moderate, 20% sluggish, 20% non-progressive, 0% rapid ???
quality of progression 3+,
round cells <1 ml (normal <5 mil)

Now here's the bad news - morphology 0%

I've been crying about this because i know this is bad. The Dr. suggested he not wear spandex shorts when doing jiu-jitsu, cut back on alcohol (he drinks about 2-4 glasses of wine every night), and to stop using chewing tobacco (yes, he uses dip about 1 can of Skoal a week, and I'm very repulsed and embarresed by it). He's going to get a second S/A done in 4 weeks and I'll take both results to my RE appointment.

I wonder what my chances are for IUI? Or am i going to have to face a biological IVF baby or an IUI donor sperm baby? I wonder if him quiting chewing tobacco and spandex shorts really help morphology?

I've heard it takes 2.5 months for the sperm to completely develop and and come out... so is the next S/A too soon? I made sure with the RE and they said it was fine.

I'm proud of my hubby for quitting the dip and to eliminate the spandex, but he's being stubborn about the alcohol. He said he's going to cut back, but want him to pretty much quit. Maybe i'm being to overbearing.

I've gotten lots of great advice from my ladies at WebMD. Hubby's going to start taking Pycnogenol which is to help improve quality and function of sperm and improves morphology. I don't know if i believe in taking the FerilAid for men. but he's taking some type of fertil blend in addition to his multi-vitamin's and other supplements.

I think I'm ok now. I have some weird faith that his sperm is going to get better.

No results yet but they're available!

2009-05-07T15:33:00.000-04:00

eeeeeeeek!!!!

The future of our genetic upbringing is so close! The results are in at the dr.'s office and now hubby's just gotta go get em! I'm tempted to ask to leave work early to go to the appointment. The control freak in me wants to know every little detail and to make sure that hubby is honest with the doctor about everything.

i'm so excited and scared

No S/A results yet but . . .

2009-05-05T15:22:00.000-04:00

I called his dr's office and my silly husband forgot to put me on the list of people that can view/hear his records. arghhhhhhhh!!!!

But they don't have the results yet anyhow and said that he has to make an appointment to see the Dr. a week from the day he got the S/A done in order to get the results . . . Wow, we get to pay $25 co-pay to see the results of a test he had to pay another $25 for (i guess its not that much in the big picture). And his Dr. will probably send him to a urologists ($35 for a specialist).

Hubby's Dr. just so happens to be taking a 4 day weekend this week! ahhhhhhh!!! And Hubby works all of next week (12 hour shifts). So if the results aren't in on Thursday we're going to have to wait more than 2 weeks just to get his freaking results that apparently other peoples labs will give out over the phone within 2 days.

I ended up making the appoint. for Thursday at 4:30 pm. This is really annoying, but i have faith that the results will be in on thursday . . . 2 more days to go!

Bloodwork - Normal!!!

2009-05-05T12:14:00.000-04:00

YAYAYA!!!

I just got a call from my OBGYN and my blood work came back normal for progesterone, thyroid, and whatever else they check!!! She says i'm definitely O'ing and we just need to hear about my Hubby's SA. The wait is killing me!!!

He went in friday and they say it takes 1 week to get the results. really??? come on!!!!! i know they test his stuff within the hour, please, just call us!!!

If his SA comes back normal then the next step is to make an appoint with my OBGYN to set up dye test/ultrasound to check for blocked tubes.

I'm 50% excited that I'm coming up as normal for now. Actually I'm really excited my armpits are sweaty and i keep making typo's. I'm so tempted to call my Hubby's dr to see if they will call me instead of him to give us the results (he works 12 hour shifts) and I'm sure he won't understand what they're telling him. And i'll act like a crazy person and research it like crazy!

Even though my blood work is normal there are still other hurdles that i will face. If his sperm is bad then we might have to do IUI with any good sperm (i've heard this can range from $200-$1000, ugh) . . . if his sperm is good, then i may have blocked tubes or be termed as having unknown infertility.

Sperm test! Sperm test! Sperm test! what are the results???

Pokey Pokey

2009-05-05T11:52:00.001-04:00

So it begins . . . the huge sore boobs. I'm on CD 25 and the ladies are sore. Don't get your hopes up, it means nothing!!! I've had sore boobs the past 3 cycles. It's been fun poking them and walking to make sure they still hurt . . . this time i will probably pop an ibuprofen. It's exciting to feel something womanly . . . but i'm over having sore boobs with no real reason.

I should get my blood results today. I'm secretly hoping that the nurse will call me and say "good news! you're pregnant!" but she's not going to. A) that would be too easy B) i don't think my egg implanted on monday . . .

I've noticed that my LP is a little short - 11 - 12 days. But i guess thats on the normal short end. I've been taking 800mg of Vitex for the past 2 months. I don't know if its working or not. I have noticed (tmi) lots of EWCM for about 5 days around my O time. Let's just hope its my body getting back on track to regulating their own hormones.

One holistic/acupuncture doc i saw said that for every year on BCP it takes 1 month to get them out of your system. So i was on BCP's for about 8 years, and i'm on my 10th cycle. If his theory is correct then i should be clear of them. Damn you fertile women who get knocked up with your first try! i want to get on clomid.

CD 24 Bloodwork, No SA results back yet

2009-05-04T09:25:00.000-04:00

I went to the doc to get blood drawn this morning before work. It was really simple and fast. She's supposed to call me later today or tomorrow with results. I'm not even worried. What I'm worried about is waiting to get hubby's SA results back . . . they said it'll take a week and he had it done last friday. I need to remind hubby again to write down everything they tell him. I know when he hears the message he'll be like, "sperm count - good, beebamorphology - huh, something else - good" and then delete the message. I'm going to make myself wait until wednesday to call his doctor if we haven't heard anything back from them. Hopefully they'll give me the results directly.

Babysitting

2009-05-04T09:14:00.001-04:00

Saturday night i babysat my friends 5 year old and 8ish month old. They are such good kids!!! The baby definitely still needed his momma to make him happy, but it was definitely a neat experience having a kid and small baby chillin at my house on a saturday evening. It didnt make me want or not want a kid anymore or less. If anything it seemed like it'd be easier than i thought . . . but i only had them for about 6 hours. You don't realize how much you need both arms to do stuff!

It was super cute watching my hubby help with the kids when he got home from work. He's always been really comfortable and good with kids. The baby was crying while we were trying to eat our dinner (quickly) and hubby would say "its ok, just let him cry for a little bit, don't touch him" (he was sitting in-between us on the couch). and then he'd lean over and pat him! And if i leaned over to comfort the baby he'd remind me that it was ok to let him cry for a little bit . . .

Its cute at how the littlest things make a baby smile.

My cats did great with the kids! The baby pulled at my cats fur a little and didnt get mad, and they didnt hiss when the baby cried! Because she did that once before when a different baby was over and crying.

I guess i'll take a baby whenever. no rush, kinda over worrying, but still want one.

TTC history

2009-05-01T16:04:00.000-04:00

Have you seen me?

So me and Hubby have been trying to make a baby for 10 months now. It's been a stressful fast but slow 10 months. I thought it would be so easy . . . put object A in object B and poof! baby! nope.

I'm getting post O testing done on Monday morning. Hubby had a SA today . . . or did he? Only we will know . . . why am i announcing this? What if his sperm are bad and and we use donor sperm and don't want anyone to know??? That's why this blog is not being released for a couple months . . .

I'm so tired of thinking "i might be pregnant" b/c i feel like its never going to happen, ever. But it has to, right? it has too? ever since i was 8 i wanted to be a mom. I very dutifully cared and loved my cabbage patch doll, Elaine for a long time . . . until i lost her, how does that happen? its not like i went somewhere and left her? or i guess i could have.

Anyhow this whole trying to conceive (TTC) process is really painful, I'd wish it on my worst enemy's. It's really not fair. A crackhead can have a baby, but me and my hubby can't? We own a home, both have good jobs, both have insurance, have 2 cars, we don't smoke crack . . . The position of baby assigning has been vacant for a couple million years i guess. This sucks. But it could get suckier after we get all our results back. Good thing our insurance covers testing but no fixing. "Yay, we know whats wrong!" . . . "thrrp! too bad deal with it . . .byebye"

Even at cycle 10 i have to force myself not to think "i might be pregnant, i might not get my period this time . . . it'll be like seeing in color for the first time, everything will smell like roses!" Because it probably won't this time or next or next or next. I'm leaving it up to my RE that I will see in June to tell us our fate.

monkey thoughts

2009-05-01T15:49:00.000-04:00

I hope my blog does not sound like this "blah blah blah" Or "wah wah wah"

Today my hair was so dirty and gross that i washed my bangs in the sink of our work bathroom with hand soap. I felt a lot better afterwards.

Who's going to read this, better yet, who am i going to let read this?