Reiki Healing Massage

Hubby had his Reiki Healing "Massage" yesterday! I wish i could have gone to really see what it was all about. He had a hard time getting there and was pretty stressed out (as usual, per new driving directions). I was scared that he'd call me afterwards irate at wasting an hour of his life with a hippy chic, but he actually enjoyed it! He said he probably wouldn't go again but would love to try acupuncture. He said he felt very relaxed afterwards. The lady went over something about Chakras with him - showed him the pressure points for sleeping well and reproduction.

The thyroid gland looks about where the sleep point would be and the sacral or root point is for reproduction. Hubby left all the papers in the car that had the chart and notes on it. She told him to definitely get at the least 6-7 hours of sleep a night and to eat apples to help with reproduction. Apples seem like a little too much of biblical connection for fertility, but hey, that didn't stop me from buying Hubby a bag of Gala apples at the grocery store last night.

TMI - before we did our "baby dance" last night we were talking about the Reiki session, and I managed to convince him to think/visualize healthy sperm being created in his body and being released into mine. I told him i would visualize a pretty little golden egg waiting patiently and a nice healthy sperm meeting it! Haha! I've heard that visualization is involved with acupuncture so i gave my G.oogle MD studies a whirl and we'll see what happens!

All we need is one good sperm! Just one little perfect sperm to shoot out of Hubby and make its way safely to my egg. I know its probably too early in Hubby's detox plan to be expecting to get pregnant but TTC'ers never give up hope.

Green with not envy

I've been reading about other ladies dealing with jealousy in the work place with finding out that their co-workers are pregnant. I've been prepping myself to deal with it myself - there are 2 other girls in my office who are actively trying to get pregnant. One I will call Steph, the other Brook.

Steph is 25 and used to be on D.epo Prov.era, takes about 5 smoke breaks a day, smokes weed everyday, drinks lots of caffeine and soda. Even though i don't agree at all with her unhealthy lifestyle, i feel bad that it has been taking her almost 1.5 years to get pregnant. She told me that her husband smokes weed everyday but his sperm count is normal (argh!). She also told me that she's had 2 miscarriages in the past couple months. We also have in common our dislike for Brook.

Brook is my closest co-worker in my small office. She can be so sweet and nice but also so insecure and annoying and show-offy. She loves flaunting her husbands money and if you wear something new she has to know where you bought it from. I hate feeling ashamed that I shop at vintage stores and thrift stores and feel like i have to come up with a random lie about where i got something if i got it used. Anyhow, Brook is 30 and has plans to get pregnant as soon as she got married (2 months ago). She tries to make it lunch room conversation about how she's off birth control pills now and can't participate in happy hour because she "might be pregnant." Ughh, shoot me! I've been trying for 11 months now and have no patients or desire to hear about the newbie trying to conceive. And the sad thing is she'll probably get pregnant right away. Or maybe not . . . she diets like crazy and was taking diet pills for a couple months before her wedding, not like she needed to, she's a size 2 or 4. People at work know that i've been trying for a baby for atleast 6 months, but no-one knows about my Hubby's sperm issues.

One of the warehouse employees (Ben) just announced that he's going to be a granddad, he's in his 50's or so. His daughter wanted to get pregnant as soon as they got married (2 months ago). Well guess what? Whoop-de-doo. Congrat-a-freaking-lations, congrats on getting knocked up. I hope she doesnt get gestational diabetes, seeing as that everyone including her in her family is very overweight. It was pretty hard huh, seeing as her husband has 3 kids in every pit stop he took when came to the US from the Dominican Republic. Wow, i wish he could be my husband NOT. He works 6 days a week 12 hour days at minimum wage at 2 different jobs to pay his kids child support, she works for w.almart. I have nothing against people working minimum wage jobs to make ends meet, but do why do they get to be so lucky when procreating? Have fun getting a divorce in a couple years.

Ben won't stop fucking talking about it either. He's one of those people that talks forever and even as you're inching your way out of the room he still keeps talking. He said his daughter got to listen to the heartbeat today, i dont know nor do i care how far along they are, but i feel like its still too early to announce her pregnancy. He was talking about it as he walked down the hallway to no-one. I'm happy for him that he's excited and its sweet seeing him be happy, but not everyone wants to be forced to hear about it. Not me, not Steph, and not Beth the 42 year old who was told a year ago that she could never have her own child (she got married 2 years ago).

I can be as a annoyed as i want and deep down i know it'll happen for me and Hubby eventually and we'll be the best parents knowing that we waited until we were more established (a house, 2 cars, money to save) and knowing that we want it so bad and have had planty of time to think about it. I'm sure I'll just have to go through more fake smiles and queitly walking away from baby conversations in the meantime.

Unorganized Vitmain List for Sperm Improvement

I realized that I haven't compiled my list of vitamins that I've been told can help morphology. Most of these vitamins can be found in a good Multi-vitamin. I've highlighted the ones I've added to Hubby's sperm improving concoction!

Pr.ayforam.ircale at W.ebMD shared this list with me:

• Arginine - 4gr daily - Needed to produce sperm. If sperm is below 10 million per ML, probably will not benefit from taking this
• Coenzyme Q10 - 10mg daily - Increases sperm count and motility
• L-Carnitine -3gr daily - Required for normal sperm function
• Selenium - 200mcg daily - Improves sperm motility
• Vitamin B12 - B12 deficiency reduces sperm motility and count. Even with no deficiency, B12 may help men with a sperm count less than 20 million per ML or a motility rate of less than 50%
• Vitamin E - 400IUs 2x/day-Improves sperms ability to impregnate
• Zinc - 30mg 2x/day - Required for a healthy male reproductive system and sperm production
• Copper - 1mg daily-Improve sperm quality
• SAMe - 800mg daily - May also increase sperm activity in infertile men
• Royal jelly - 200mg daily-It has been found to increase sperm count
• Vitamin A (Beta carotene) - 100,000IU daily-A defincieny is shown to reduce sperm volume, count and increase abnormal sperm
• Bee Pollen - 500mg 2x daily-Improves sperm production
• Pycnogenol - Improves quality and function of sperm and improves morphology

Con.ceptionXR - fertilitysciences.com (this person comments a lot on the Male Factor boards on W.ebMD, I think he's one of the Doctors for Con.ceptionXR) Below is the list of vitamins that they say are in their pills that they sell.

• Vitamins C and E—are essential antioxidants that protect the body's cells from damage from oxidative stress and free radicals. Vitamin C is one of the most abundant antioxidants in the semen of fertile men, and it contributes to the maintenance of healthy sperm by protecting the sperm's DNA from free radical damage. Vitamin E is a fat-soluble vitamin that helps protect the sperm's cell membrane from damage. Studies have shown that vitamin E improves sperm motility (movement). Vitamin C functions to regenerate vitamin E, thus these vitamins may work together to improve sperm function. Men with low fertilization rates who took vitamin E supplements for 3 months showed a significant improvement in fertilization rate. Vitamin E supplementation in infertile men resulted in increased pregnancy rates.
• Selenium—is a mineral that functions as an antioxidant. Selenium supplements have been shown to increase sperm motility, and a combination of selenium and vitamin E has been shown to decrease damage from free radicals and improve sperm motility in infertile men.
• Lycopene—is a potent antioxidant and carotenoid (plant pigment) that is abundant in tomatoes. This phytonutrient is found in high levels in the male testes, and research has shown that lycopene supplementation improved sperm parameters in infertile men.
• Zinc—is an essential trace mineral that plays a role in sperm formation, testosterone metabolism, and cell motility. Zinc supplementation has been show to increase testosterone levels, sperm count, and sperm motility
• Folic Acid—is a B vitamin that is necessary for DNA synthesis. Low levels of folic acid have been associated with a decreased sperm count and decreased sperm motility. In a recent study, the combination of zinc and folic acid resulted in a 74% increase in total normal sperm count in subfertile men
• L-carnitine—is an amino acid produced by the body, and functions to transport fat so that it can be broken down for energy. L-carnitine provides energy for the sperm, and is important for optimal sperm motility. L-carnitine has also been shown to increase sperm quality and increase pregnancy rate

Hubby is also drinking a glass of pomegranate and blueberry juice daily and eating lots of dark berries (antioxidants). I've heard that Maca is good for sperm also.

Riverrock 10k Scrmable

Saturday May 16th I ran the Dominion Riverrock 10K Scramble. It was sooooo mcuh fun. Trail races are the best because they're so nice on your shins and legs. My goal was to beat my time from last year of 1 hour 20 minutes . . . I beat it! This year i did it in 1 hour 9 minutes! I know next year i can beat that too. It feels so good to have runners in front of you move out of your way when they hear you coming. It almost drives you to run faster so they know they moved for a good reason! haha!

Hubby ran the Carytown 10K the next day and did it in 56 insanely fast minutes! The fastest I've done a normal street 10K was 65 minutes or so. He can really push himself when it comes to exercise.

Male Factor Blogs and Vitamin Treatment?

Why can't i find any blogs about MFIF and changing diet/exercise/adding vitamins before doing IVF or IUI's??? I'm preparing my RE visit to end in tears with the dr. telling us IVF with ICSi is our only answer. Am I hoping too much that we can do this naturally??? Are most IVF dr.'s greedy and want to make lab babies instead of telling couples to add vitamins/change diets for a couple months and then try on their own for a while?

Keith at Conscious Conceptions is keeping my head clear and non-depressed with his adamant ideas that vitamins and acupuncture WILL help morphology. When i google "vitamin treatment for sperm" i find plenty of forums of ladies talking about a new diet plan for their hubby's and their sperm got better in 3 months. Why won't anyone write a blog about it so i can stalk them to see if they ended up getting pregnant on their own.

its the Ups and Downs i tell ya!!! note to self, stop researching. again.

Ups and Downs All Arounds

(This is not a photo of MY husband)

So I've been researching and driving hubby up the wall. BUT we finally had a breakthrough ie. I broke him. He's going to cut wayyyyy back on alcohol until his sperm get better. He has a big fishing trip after his second S/A and will probably drink a bunch with the boys, and I'm fine with that. I don't think that drinking really causes bad morphology. TONS of people drink and are still able to get preggers. I wonder if he realizes this could be for 3 months, i mean, i told him, but was he really listening?

He's going to cut back to no drinking during the work week, and 1-2 glasses on his off nights. I'm so proud of him! I had to ask him if he thought he had a drinking problem and forced ourselves to talk about the idea of talking about where our goals are in life . . . he was complaining and whining sooooooo much about it not being fair that he had to stop drinking. I tried the nice approach and told him yeah, its not fair and that I'm so proud of him for being open to cutting back. I tried the angry approach, I've quit caffeine and drinking for the past 10 months and will HAVE to stop all those when we do get preggers for 9 months and then some while i'm breastfeeding . . . all he could think about was how he didnt want to cut back and how it isnt fair. Poor guy, they deal with infertility situations so much more angrily than women.

We've also decided that if we had to we would do IVF and make adjustments for the costs. I really hope we can have a baby naturally. His sperm WILL get better. Maybe not by the next S/A test, but maybe in August he will have healthy sperm. Ugh, so far away . . .

On a lucky note - I was supposed to run a 5K last weekend but couldn't since i had to be a slave to my mom for mother's day, I won a door prize for the race. I told my friend that she could have it if she picked it up and she forgot to, but they mailed it to me! guess what it is???? a free 1 hour Reike massage:
"Reike healing is the usage of spiritual energy to heal a person's aura or situation. The word "Reiki" actually translates to "Universal Life Force Energy." Massage is the process of rubbing or kneading different parts of the body for therapeutic reasons or purposes"
One of them being reproductive issues!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!!! hubby is going to love this!

Bad Bad Bad . . . But Not Horrible

The Dr. was NO help at helping us understand what his S/A results mean. And we had to pay the co-pay to to get the results!!! 5/1/09

All of these were good:
volume 2.1 ml
normal color
liquefaction time 46 min
viscosity good
concentration 40 million motile, 75 million total
motility 53%
Forward progression - 60% moderate, 20% sluggish, 20% non-progressive, 0% rapid ???
quality of progression 3+,
round cells <1 ml (normal <5 mil)

Now here's the bad news - morphology 0%

I've been crying about this because i know this is bad. The Dr. suggested he not wear spandex shorts when doing jiu-jitsu, cut back on alcohol (he drinks about 2-4 glasses of wine every night), and to stop using chewing tobacco (yes, he uses dip about 1 can of Skoal a week, and I'm very repulsed and embarresed by it). He's going to get a second S/A done in 4 weeks and I'll take both results to my RE appointment.

I wonder what my chances are for IUI? Or am i going to have to face a biological IVF baby or an IUI donor sperm baby? I wonder if him quiting chewing tobacco and spandex shorts really help morphology?

I've heard it takes 2.5 months for the sperm to completely develop and and come out... so is the next S/A too soon? I made sure with the RE and they said it was fine.

I'm proud of my hubby for quitting the dip and to eliminate the spandex, but he's being stubborn about the alcohol. He said he's going to cut back, but want him to pretty much quit. Maybe i'm being to overbearing.

I've gotten lots of great advice from my ladies at WebMD. Hubby's going to start taking Pycnogenol which is to help improve quality and function of sperm and improves morphology. I don't know if i believe in taking the FerilAid for men. but he's taking some type of fertil blend in addition to his multi-vitamin's and other supplements.

I think I'm ok now. I have some weird faith that his sperm is going to get better.

No results yet but they're available!

eeeeeeeek!!!!

The future of our genetic upbringing is so close! The results are in at the dr.'s office and now hubby's just gotta go get em! I'm tempted to ask to leave work early to go to the appointment. The control freak in me wants to know every little detail and to make sure that hubby is honest with the doctor about everything.

i'm so excited and scared

No S/A results yet but . . .

I called his dr's office and my silly husband forgot to put me on the list of people that can view/hear his records. arghhhhhhhh!!!!

But they don't have the results yet anyhow and said that he has to make an appointment to see the Dr. a week from the day he got the S/A done in order to get the results . . . Wow, we get to pay $25 co-pay to see the results of a test he had to pay another $25 for (i guess its not that much in the big picture). And his Dr. will probably send him to a urologists ($35 for a specialist).

Hubby's Dr. just so happens to be taking a 4 day weekend this week! ahhhhhhh!!! And Hubby works all of next week (12 hour shifts). So if the results aren't in on Thursday we're going to have to wait more than 2 weeks just to get his freaking results that apparently other peoples labs will give out over the phone within 2 days.

I ended up making the appoint. for Thursday at 4:30 pm. This is really annoying, but i have faith that the results will be in on thursday . . . 2 more days to go!

Bloodwork - Normal!!!

YAYAYA!!!

I just got a call from my OBGYN and my blood work came back normal for progesterone, thyroid, and whatever else they check!!! She says i'm definitely O'ing and we just need to hear about my Hubby's SA. The wait is killing me!!!

He went in friday and they say it takes 1 week to get the results. really??? come on!!!!! i know they test his stuff within the hour, please, just call us!!!

If his SA comes back normal then the next step is to make an appoint with my OBGYN to set up dye test/ultrasound to check for blocked tubes.

I'm 50% excited that I'm coming up as normal for now. Actually I'm really excited my armpits are sweaty and i keep making typo's. I'm so tempted to call my Hubby's dr to see if they will call me instead of him to give us the results (he works 12 hour shifts) and I'm sure he won't understand what they're telling him. And i'll act like a crazy person and research it like crazy!

Even though my blood work is normal there are still other hurdles that i will face. If his sperm is bad then we might have to do IUI with any good sperm (i've heard this can range from $200-$1000, ugh) . . . if his sperm is good, then i may have blocked tubes or be termed as having unknown infertility.

Sperm test! Sperm test! Sperm test! what are the results???

Pokey Pokey

So it begins . . . the huge sore boobs. I'm on CD 25 and the ladies are sore. Don't get your hopes up, it means nothing!!! I've had sore boobs the past 3 cycles. It's been fun poking them and walking to make sure they still hurt . . . this time i will probably pop an ibuprofen. It's exciting to feel something womanly . . . but i'm over having sore boobs with no real reason.

I should get my blood results today. I'm secretly hoping that the nurse will call me and say "good news! you're pregnant!" but she's not going to. A) that would be too easy B) i don't think my egg implanted on monday . . .

I've noticed that my LP is a little short - 11 - 12 days. But i guess thats on the normal short end. I've been taking 800mg of Vitex for the past 2 months. I don't know if its working or not. I have noticed (tmi) lots of EWCM for about 5 days around my O time. Let's just hope its my body getting back on track to regulating their own hormones.

One holistic/acupuncture doc i saw said that for every year on BCP it takes 1 month to get them out of your system. So i was on BCP's for about 8 years, and i'm on my 10th cycle. If his theory is correct then i should be clear of them. Damn you fertile women who get knocked up with your first try! i want to get on clomid.

CD 24 Bloodwork, No SA results back yet

I went to the doc to get blood drawn this morning before work. It was really simple and fast. She's supposed to call me later today or tomorrow with results. I'm not even worried. What I'm worried about is waiting to get hubby's SA results back . . . they said it'll take a week and he had it done last friday. I need to remind hubby again to write down everything they tell him. I know when he hears the message he'll be like, "sperm count - good, beebamorphology - huh, something else - good" and then delete the message. I'm going to make myself wait until wednesday to call his doctor if we haven't heard anything back from them. Hopefully they'll give me the results directly.

Babysitting

Saturday night i babysat my friends 5 year old and 8ish month old. They are such good kids!!! The baby definitely still needed his momma to make him happy, but it was definitely a neat experience having a kid and small baby chillin at my house on a saturday evening. It didnt make me want or not want a kid anymore or less. If anything it seemed like it'd be easier than i thought . . . but i only had them for about 6 hours. You don't realize how much you need both arms to do stuff!

It was super cute watching my hubby help with the kids when he got home from work. He's always been really comfortable and good with kids. The baby was crying while we were trying to eat our dinner (quickly) and hubby would say "its ok, just let him cry for a little bit, don't touch him" (he was sitting in-between us on the couch). and then he'd lean over and pat him! And if i leaned over to comfort the baby he'd remind me that it was ok to let him cry for a little bit . . .

Its cute at how the littlest things make a baby smile.

My cats did great with the kids! The baby pulled at my cats fur a little and didnt get mad, and they didnt hiss when the baby cried! Because she did that once before when a different baby was over and crying.

I guess i'll take a baby whenever. no rush, kinda over worrying, but still want one.

TTC history

Have you seen me?

So me and Hubby have been trying to make a baby for 10 months now. It's been a stressful fast but slow 10 months. I thought it would be so easy . . . put object A in object B and poof! baby! nope.

I'm getting post O testing done on Monday morning. Hubby had a SA today . . . or did he? Only we will know . . . why am i announcing this? What if his sperm are bad and and we use donor sperm and don't want anyone to know??? That's why this blog is not being released for a couple months . . .

I'm so tired of thinking "i might be pregnant" b/c i feel like its never going to happen, ever. But it has to, right? it has too? ever since i was 8 i wanted to be a mom. I very dutifully cared and loved my cabbage patch doll, Elaine for a long time . . . until i lost her, how does that happen? its not like i went somewhere and left her? or i guess i could have.

Anyhow this whole trying to conceive (TTC) process is really painful, I'd wish it on my worst enemy's. It's really not fair. A crackhead can have a baby, but me and my hubby can't? We own a home, both have good jobs, both have insurance, have 2 cars, we don't smoke crack . . . The position of baby assigning has been vacant for a couple million years i guess. This sucks. But it could get suckier after we get all our results back. Good thing our insurance covers testing but no fixing. "Yay, we know whats wrong!" . . . "thrrp! too bad deal with it . . .byebye"

Even at cycle 10 i have to force myself not to think "i might be pregnant, i might not get my period this time . . . it'll be like seeing in color for the first time, everything will smell like roses!" Because it probably won't this time or next or next or next. I'm leaving it up to my RE that I will see in June to tell us our fate.

monkey thoughts

I hope my blog does not sound like this "blah blah blah" Or "wah wah wah"

Today my hair was so dirty and gross that i washed my bangs in the sink of our work bathroom with hand soap. I felt a lot better afterwards.

Who's going to read this, better yet, who am i going to let read this?