baby countdown!!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

TTC history

Have you seen me?

So me and Hubby have been trying to make a baby for 10 months now. It's been a stressful fast but slow 10 months. I thought it would be so easy . . . put object A in object B and poof! baby! nope.

I'm getting post O testing done on Monday morning. Hubby had a SA today . . . or did he? Only we will know . . . why am i announcing this? What if his sperm are bad and and we use donor sperm and don't want anyone to know??? That's why this blog is not being released for a couple months . . .

I'm so tired of thinking "i might be pregnant" b/c i feel like its never going to happen, ever. But it has to, right? it has too? ever since i was 8 i wanted to be a mom. I very dutifully cared and loved my cabbage patch doll, Elaine for a long time . . . until i lost her, how does that happen? its not like i went somewhere and left her? or i guess i could have.

Anyhow this whole trying to conceive (TTC) process is really painful, I'd wish it on my worst enemy's. It's really not fair. A crackhead can have a baby, but me and my hubby can't? We own a home, both have good jobs, both have insurance, have 2 cars, we don't smoke crack . . . The position of baby assigning has been vacant for a couple million years i guess. This sucks. But it could get suckier after we get all our results back. Good thing our insurance covers testing but no fixing. "Yay, we know whats wrong!" . . . "thrrp! too bad deal with it . . .byebye"

Even at cycle 10 i have to force myself not to think "i might be pregnant, i might not get my period this time . . . it'll be like seeing in color for the first time, everything will smell like roses!" Because it probably won't this time or next or next or next. I'm leaving it up to my RE that I will see in June to tell us our fate.

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